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What are opposite foods?
10.Separate vessels have to be used to cook different foods,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Avoid cooking vegetables in a vessel which was previously used for cooking fish or other non vegetarian food.
6,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].Never store ghee in bronze vessel for more than ten days.
1.Sea foods or fresh water foods like fish,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], crab, oysters, prawns etc should not be mixed with honey/ black gram/ milk/ germinated seeds / jaggery.
3.Milk and horse gram are opposite in qualities,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Hence consuming these together have to be avoided.
8.It is certainly not advisable to boil curd,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Boiled Curd initiates the formation of “ama” a sticky toxin.
9.The combination of turmeric and mustard oil is not recommended.
Here is the list of opposite foods listed in texts of ayurveda which should not be mixed together.
The food which we prepare should fulfill many criterion. The food has to be tasty, nourishing and should not harm body. Texts of ayurveda say a strict no to few combinations of ingredients. They describe these combinations as opposite foods. Opposite food combinations lead to accumulation of toxins in the body. These toxins act like slow poisons which can become root cause for other diseases. These food combinations are described as “viruddhahara“ or opposite foods in ayurveda.
2.Any sour fruits or foods which are sour in taste, when consumed with milk can imbalance doshas.
Apart from vitiating doshas opposite foods also flare up the symptoms of pre existing health conditions like herpes, arthritis, psoriasis, hair loss etc. Hence follow these food combination rules for a healthy “YOU”.
7,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].Consuming the following mixtures in equal quantities can prove harmful to body- Honey +ghee / honey + animal fat / honey + oil/ honey +water/ghee +animal fat/ ghee +oil/ghee +water / animal fat + oil/ animal fat +water /oil +water
11.Do not fry any spices in the residual oil which is left after a fish fry.
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13.Radish and black gram have opposite qualities,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Never combine them in any recipe.
When the ingredients of recipes are opposite in their qualities,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], then those recipes may act like a slow poison which cause accumulation of toxins in body. The opposite foods vitiate doshas and cause discomfort to body. These foods enhance the process of accumulation of toxins in body instead of nourishing it.
12.Do not consume pork and chicken on the same day or in combination.
4,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].Refrain from drinking milk after consuming green leafy vegetables.
5.Chicken cooked with curd vitiates the dosha balance. It is better to avoid recipes which insist on cooking chicken with curd,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
By Dr.Savitha Suri
See all Articles by Dr.Savitha SuriSee Dr.Savitha Suri&#039,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];s Expert PageGet Updates on AyurvedaGet Updates on Dr,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].Savitha Suri Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet Related articles:


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Everywhere you go, you find articles which tells you how to improve your life, books telling you what you have not been doing for your life to be what you want it to be, and pamphlets to meetings to discuss those books, what you do not come across often is what not to do.

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And if you decide that the break up was a mistake,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], know that with a little effort,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it is possible to rebuild your relationship. But if you have made up your mind to end the relationship, be ready to follow through and move on.
Remember to be honest to yourself as well as to your partner. Plan a time that is best for both of you to end the relationship. And if the relationship isnt long distance, it will always be better to break up in person opposed to email or texting. Try not to make your ex start to defend themselves. Mention that you have grown from your time together and that you will have many great memories.
Break ups can involve drama such as personal items being thrown around or outside the house. And on the other hand,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], a relationship can quietly disappear when someone calls it a day. The big question is,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], how do you end it without hurting your partner?
Sadly,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it is known that when a relationship turns sour, one party must step up and announce the end of the relationship. Relationships that end up in this sour state tend to hold on for longer than they should simply because making the move to break up is hard to do.
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Have a clear reason in mind when you decide to break up. Give it some real thought and make sure that it's not just the first thing that springs to your mind. Once you are sure on the real reason behind the break up, ensure that you are honest.
Your partner may need to re-confirm that the relationship has ended,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. The best thing you can do is to give them what they need to understand that the relationship has ended,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
Once the relationship has ended,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you may wonder whether this is really the end,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or whether you have that option to reconnect. This is something that only you can work out. Many couples have gotten back together after a break up when both parties come to an agreement.
By Casey Wright
See all Articles by Karyn DaviesGet Updates on Relationship AdviceGet Updates on Karyn Davies Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
Be as supportive as you can and get ready for your partner to become emotional. When you are going through the process of a break up, remember not to take anything personally. In the heat of the moment,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], things may be said that are not really meant.
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Everywhere you go, you find articles which tells you how to improve your life, books telling you what you have not been doing for your life to be what you want it to be, and pamphlets to meetings to discuss those books, what you do not come across often is what not to do.

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For my very own purposes I have named this amazing weight loss program as the “HCG Diet Vancouver”. It was a warm sunny afternoon in Vancouver,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], when I first came across some interesting material about the HCG Dietary regime developed by Dr. Albert Simeons in 1954. According to his findings, the implementation of HCG injections and supplementary doses,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], along with a low calorie diet,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], could result in effective weight loss and overall increase in the rate of metabolism.
“HCG Diet Vancouver” spreads over a period of 26-43 days and aids in the removal of excessive fats through the use of HCG or Human Chorionic Gonadotropin,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. The excess fat is then burnt to provide the calories required to maintain the requisite energy levels and prevent hunger pangs caused due to limited intake of food. Given below are some simple tips to achieve success in the HCG weight loss program.
• To achieve good results,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it is important to adhere to the HCG diet protocol. Practitioners recommend the intake of only 500 calories per day and this restriction should be followed in strict accordance to the prescribed guidelines.
• To prevent food cravings in between meals, prepare your HCG diet friendly meals in advance and keep them at hand to alleviate sudden bouts of hunger and energy loss .This prevents unnecessary increase in weight and encourages the intake of low calorie food products rather than quick snacking.
• Explore different types of seasonings and use them generously to provide variations in the taste of permitted food products. The addition of seasonings,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], herbs and other condiments, can improve the taste of meals without adding to the calories.
• A healthy intake of a minimum of 64 ounces of water on a daily basis,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], will lead to the prevention of hunger pangs and dehydration. Proper intake of water helps in increasing the success rate of the HCG Diet program in more ways than one.
• High grade HCG should be procured from a licensed physician and the weight loss program should be conducted only under the supervision of an experienced practitioner. It is important to verify the source and quality of the HCG products sold online,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], as most of the web portals are not licensed and their products may not be approved by the FDA. The success rate of the protocol is dependent on the authenticity of the HCG products and all steps should be taken to verify the same.
• Make a list of the permitted food items which do not add excessive calories to the diet. These food items should be procured and stored beforehand,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. All HCG products should be stored according to the prescribed guidelines. Any unused or leftover products should be stored in the refrigerator and used in the following meals.
• A minimum of 2 liters of fluids should be consumed daily,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. You can choose between different varieties of tea and non caffeinated beverages to fulfill the daily fluid requirements. A few drops of lemon juice or stevia extract can also be added to water to enhance its flavor.
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Everywhere you go, you find articles which tells you how to improve your life, books telling you what you have not been doing for your life to be what you want it to be, and pamphlets to meetings to discuss those books, what you do not come across often is what not to do.

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In comparison to other erection dysfunction drugs,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Tadalafil is more effective because of the fact that it works for thirty-six hours which is a significantly longer than other famous brand names such as Viagra and Levitra. All three of these medicines work in the same manner but Tadalafil works considerably longer. This particular treatment begins working quickly, typically in just 30 minutes of taking it which makes it perfect choice for engaging sexual activity.
Male impotence is a quite wide-spread condition. This problem is mainly found in sexually active men ages 40 and older but also affects about 10% of males under the age of 40,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
Male erectile dysfunction medicines can be acquired both at drug stores and online. Typically,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], getting the medications through reliable drug stores online is considerably cheaper than obtaining them through local shops. Tadalafil, for instance,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], can be found at very reasonable price ranges online. So, if you want to save your hard earned cash,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it is best to obtain these medicines via the web. There is no argument that male erectile dysfunction is an embarrassing problem that unexpectedly happens to millions of individuals across the globe. It is every person's nightmare to face this situation. Fortunately, making use of treatments such as Tadalafil make it possible to eliminate the problem and live a full and enjoyable life again.
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Erectile dysfunction is no laughing matter. A lot of men that have it lose self esteem, feel limited when trying to engage in sexual intercourse and are totally embarrassed of the situation. There are lots of emotional and psychological issues that arise when a person can't produce a harder erection. There are several things that can cause erection problems in men. Side effects of drugs,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], cardiovascular disorders, hypogonadism and diabetes are all conditions that can cause erection dysfunction. While these factors do have the potential to lead to erection problems, it is not likely. A large number of males start having trouble obtaining erections in their later years of life.
Scientific breakthroughs and modern technology innovations have revealed a number of ways to manage male impotence. There are lots of drugs, mostly in the form of pills, that help males produce erection strength. A very common and effective drug is one known as Tadalafil or,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], as it's more commonly called,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Cialis. Tadalafil was designed to fix male erectile dysfunction by increasing blood circulation in the male organ when you become sexually aroused. This medicine is a pill that is used orally and can be taken even if you haven't eaten. Based on your condition you might be instructed by your medical doctor take Tadalafil at one time per day and only on as needed basis. Consult with your doctor what the best schedule for you will be to take the pills. This treatment should not be used more than once during a 24 hour time period, though.
Even though the most prominent reason for male erection failure is age there are rare cases where the problem means there are other health conditions going on. If you are experiencing erectile dysfunction you should speak about it to your physician. It may be a rather embarrassing topic to bring up nonetheless it needs to be talked about with a professional,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
Tadalafil is sold under the trade names Cialis and Adcirca. Only Cialis was created to cure erectile dysfunction. Adcirca was created to help individuals with pulmonary arterial hypertension to be able to exercise better. These two medications shouldn't be taken at the same time. Tadalfil is a PDE5 (phosphodiesterase type 5) inhibitor. To put it simply,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it is a treatment that opens up the arteries in the male organ to enable increased blood flow for obtaining an erection easier. This product was licensed by the Food and Drug Administration in 2003.
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Corporate downsizing persists More and more companies are outsourcing, Ignoring long term tasks is the cause of long term demise because competitors who do pay now to fly later, The world’s largest industrial corporation was officially one hundred years old in 2008.

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Due to the internet,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], we can now advertise and find almost anything for sale online. For this reason,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it is a good idea to consider advertising your home for sale on the web either through a classified listing site or through a real estate agent (most now have their businesses on the web). Here, you need to include as much vital information as possible,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but without an information overload. Include pictures which show the main rooms within the home as well as the exterior and garden. If you employ the help of a real estate agent, they can help you with this, providing a more expert opinion on what will help speed along the sale. Other methods of advertisement can include flyers in windows,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and also local papers which is a good method of advertisement for potential buyers who reside in the same area as you. Those who are looking for a new family home will often look through various methods of advertisement such as newspapers, estate agents and the internet. In order to optimize the amount of viewings you have, it is always beneficial to increase the places where your advert can be found.
By MikeCiucci
See all Articles by Mike CiucciSee Mike Ciucci's Expert PageGet Updates on Real EstateGet Updates on Mike Ciucci Average: 2.333335 Your rating: None Average: 2.3 (3 votes) Tweet
They say in life there are a number of events which will occur which will be some of the hardest in your life. Dealing with the death of a loved one and going through a divorce is very high in this list, but surprisingly enough,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], moving a residence is also amongst these different events. It is true that moving home can be an extremely stressful time due to the organization and planning which needs to go into making it successful, but for many,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], selling their home trumps this every time. Selling your home requires a thorough marketing plan in order to not only have your home viewed by as many potential buyers as possible,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but also so that you will gain some profit with the sale. There are many different ways in which you can sell your home whether it is through the use of a real estate agency, a classifieds listing or through selling it yourself; but regardless of the way in which you try to sell your home, there are some vital measures you must take into account in order to make it a successful and profitable sale.
Key features are often what will generate interest, which will eventually result in a sale. Note all the features of your home including the amount of bedrooms it has, the size of the garden (very important for buyers with families), storage included with the property and whether you have other extras such as a swimming pool. You should also include information about the surrounding area such as any convenience stores which are within walking distance,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], schools and what the quality of public transport is like within the area. These will be vital in your marketing. You should never include any false information about the property or the area and also be honest as this could backfire during a potential sale. Once you have made a note of all the key features of the property, you will have more knowledge on the type of market that will be interested in your home. Only with the right target market in mind will you be able to successfully market and advertise your home for sale in the right locations.
One of the first things you should take into consideration before making any plans is to remember that you are looking to sell your home for a profit. Take into consideration what you would look for in potential new home and apply this thought to all aspects of the sale,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
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When it comes to selling your home,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you must not only put yourself in the position of the seller, but also as the buyer. If you are selling your home, this will more than likely be as a result of finding a new home. In finding your new home, you too will have been attracted by an advertisement of the property, thus will be well aware of what attracts a potential buyer. By taking this into account, you will not only be able to advertise your home more effectively,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but will also be more likely to sell your home fast.
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The Canadian automotive industry is experiencing a shortage of qualified workers. If you love cars and are interested in automotive careers, here are ten auto careers to consider.

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Author's Bio:
By Mary Jane Hurley Brant, MS,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], CGP
See all Articles by Mary Jane Hurley BrantSee Mary Jane Hurley Brant&#039,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];s Expert PageGet Updates on MarriageGet Updates on Mary Jane Hurley Brant Average: 3.75 Your rating: None Average: 3.8 (4 votes) Tweet
Let's talk about the four seasons of marriage: Spring, Summer,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Autumn and Winter. Usually we think of marriage as a relationship with our partner but it can also be the state of marriage solely within us called "the inner marriage." The inner marriage is an intimate relationship with ourself. We need a strong inner marriage of love, appreciation, understanding and respect for ourself in order to experience the serenity, joy, and connection attainable in an outer marriage.
Later in this phase of the marriage cycle children will fly away from the carefully constructed family nest and into their brand new lives,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], just as their mother and father did. Husbands and wives now begin to surrender and let them go, albeit a little sadly. It's an emotionally healthy and necessary choice. "Sunrise,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], sunset, swiftly flow the days" go the words from Fiddler on the Roof. No wonder that song makes so many couples cry.
The Winter of Marriage is when we enter into the final season of marriage with another or with ourself alone for death or choice or fate may have put us there. So we pray for everyone's good health. We are reflective and thoughtful. We live in our souls more. We recognize and give thanks for all the important moments in our life and for those we've met along the way who have helped us to transform, evolve and grow. We look forward to any final gifts of grace this season will provide. We reach for our partner's hand or put our hand over our heart to touch the symbolic hand of our inner partner. We read Yeats. We read Rilke. We smile. We pray. We make Every Day Matter.
When we work to connect the inner marriage with our outer marriage we begin to appreciate the real glory in our spouse. We also begin to see the first authentic wrinkles of responsibility for our own life, too,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and we begin to grow up. Of course, sometimes it doesn't all work out and couples do separate permanently. But if that should occur at least each party has the satisfaction of knowing who he or she is and can apply it non-defensively for the good of the children and grandchildren involved. Not every relationship was made in heaven.
Then we look around. It's so quiet. The voice of Spirit whispers, "Something needs to change." We think the something is our mate. "If only he…, if only she …,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]," Eventually we recognize it is not our mate but we who must change. We begin to understand that the inner marriage is of monumental importance. We commit to know ourself again. This commitment provides immediate insurance not just for us but for our couple relationship. It feels good. Understanding this inner marriage also makes boundaries clear,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], "I stop here and you start here." Sometimes people are fearful that introspection might separate them. It could, but at least it's honest.
Mary Jane Hurley Brant,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], M.S., CGP
Author of When Every Day Matters:
A Mother's Memoir on Love, Loss and Life,
Simple Abundance Press, Oct. 1, 2008
Available on Amazon
The Spring of Marriage is when matrimony begins. We are often young and overflowing with boundless excitement, optimism and desire. We start this first phase believing – unconsciously - that our partner is here to save our life and fulfill every expectation we ever dreamed possible. We are full of projections. In this early stage of development we rarely see the essence of the man or woman before us because we are so blinded by the light of the mythological god or goddess who blocks our view. We take our wedding vows, "Please heal me of every pain and love me forever." Well, we didn't say that but that's what most of us thought. It's a young and hopeful dream. We are in love and often madly so.
The Autumn of Marriage is about transition. We watch our children raising their children. We graciously step back and let them live their own lives. We give them space when they need it. We throw our arms around the joy our grandchildren bring and pitch in whenever we can help. Watching our families grow is so full of wonder we want everyone to stop growing! But respecting time's natural rhythm - especially when feeling astonished - helps us move right along with the changing tides as we consider what we want to do with our life now. Some want the pleasure of work,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], some the pleasure of play,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and some want a combination. Being open to every new idea will see us through. That is key, keep it fresh.
The Summer of Marriage is when we often bring children into the world. These precious little ones fill our lives with love,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], fun, pressure and (ugh!) adult responsibility. As the children grow, husbands and wives may argue that the spouse is not who we thought they were! We may even wonder if we are who we thought we were. Enter the mid-life crisis. It can be a stressful time of struggle.
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When it comes to the human body, the heart charka influences our ability to love unconditionally. When past trauma has affected our lives and we have been unable to process the feelings associated to old wounds, our Heart Charkas shut down.

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When it comes to the human body, the heart charka influences our ability to love unconditionally. When past trauma has affected our lives and we have been unable to process the feelings associated to old wounds, our Heart Charkas shut down.

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7. Don’t pitch!
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THE RULE OF PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT:
Leader knows that each employee has a certain role in the leader's personal development.
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• What I have been blaming myself for is …
Critical to the communication process is responsible speaking. Those participating in the retreat must be honest, but they also must speak with compassion and respect. They should not speak self-righteously or try to demean,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], attack or blame someone else for an upsetting emotion. Communication should remain strictly a report on the speaker’s thoughts and feelings about a particular person or event.
The result is an infantile view that sees the world in right-versus-wrong terms, a world in which there are necessarily winners and losers. Survival depends on justifying one’s self and invalidating others. People seek to dominate others while avoiding domination of themselves at all costs. In this adversarial environment, personal information in the hands of another is a threat, positions must be defended and appearances maintained. Cooperation is a mockery, compassion dangerous.
• What I am blaming you for is …
Several specific questions must be addressed. Among them: What is the nature of the company’s practice? Its commitment to customer service? Its relationship to the customer? What working environment will the company create and maintain?
This is the new model of behavior, the new system of thought and action that people must adopt. As
Healthy relationships and open communication make it all possible. The results produced by any organization are a direct function of the depth and quality of the relationships among its people.
Yet while cost cutting and more efficient management will surely benefit many companies as they struggle for financial survival, these remedies will not cure — and in fact may intensify — the deep dissatisfaction many people feel about their work.
This kind of event can cause a dramatic shift in attitude toward the company, particularly when all the employees feel they have contributed to the process. All that people really want is to make a difference, to be part of an organization that is going somewhere, to be acknowledged for their contribution.
Once the disruptions of the past are cleared away, it now becomes possible to create a vision for the future that everyone in the company can commit themselves to.
To illustrate how personal files are kept, let’s take the example of an employee who hears some secondhand gossip about another employee’s failure to complete a task in a timely manner. Rather than discuss this concern with the second employee, the first employee apprehensively drops off a project for action, already expecting an unnecessarily slow response. The first employee is unaware, however, that the second employee ‘s work load has increased dramatically lately due to the sudden departure of another employee from the company, and taking action on the project does require several extra days.
• My expectations of you that are unfulfilled are …
Restoration preferably begins with each employee publicly communicating all unfulfilled expectations, disappointments and thwarted intentions in the other employees, in himself or herself, and in the company. What is it that the employees have blamed themselves and others for? What have they failed to acknowledge in themselves and others? Now is the time to purge all of the emotional files.
Become genuinely committed to caring for their customers, associates and staff.
Communicate all unfulfilled expectations, disappointments and thwarted intentions.
Be willing to apologize for what they have done that has harmed another.
Forgive each other.
Create a vision for the future that everyone in the company can commit themselves to.
As the first employee’s unhappiness festers,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the second may notice a subtle hostility. Without understanding it and not want to seem petty or offend the first employee, the second says nothing; instead, he attaches a judgment of “hostile” to the file of the first. If neither employee says anything about their problem, the evidence collection proceeds apace and the relationship cascades relentlessly downhill.
Walk into virtually any company and you will fully understand these seemingly shocking statistics. Most companies are cold, dehumanizing places. A strained quiet hangs in the air. Worried men and women pass each other self-consciously in the hallways without any interaction. Most utterances about work are negative and critical. Everyone is busy — too busy to return client phone calls, too busy for families, too busy for each other. Gossip is rampant, jealousies are palpable, unsettling emotions hover just below the surface.
It’s no wonder that most people are simply unwilling or unprepared to face these possibilities. Instead, they choose silence.
If companies are going to prosper and survive, the people in them are going to have to start paying attention to the relationships that exist within the company and learn to communicate with each other in appropriate and meaningful way. A successful organization consists of a group of people working together on behalf of a future that they have all committed themselves to. It’s only through communication that you could possible have a group of people working together.
Once this fundamental commitment is sufficiently evident, the employees then need to uncover and repair the accumulated damage to their relationships. Only in this way can the company hope to build a new foundation for healthier relationships.
ABSTRACT
True forgiveness wipes the slate clean. It releases all anger, resentment and the desire to punish. Forgiveness is a gift one gives oneself, because it relieves the suffering provoked by anger and resentment.
When the aggrieved person judges or evaluates another person, the metaphorical file is opened and begins to store evidence reinforcing the initial judgment. The trouble is that without communication, these evaluations determine individual reality, and any distinction between the facts of the original occurrence and their interpretation as stored in the file disappears.
• What I feel unappreciated for is …
The root cause of these failed relationships is failed communication. For children, communication is designed to assure survival within the family and to satisfy individual needs. However, most families are fundamentally dysfunctional, operating with unspoken rules such as “don’t talk,” “don’t trust” and “don’t feel.” The survival mechanisms they breed tend to inhibit communication, lower self-esteem and obstruct realistic goal setting, achievement and satisfaction.
DISCUSSION
Every member does not need to agree specifically with the answers to such questions, but it is essential that they align themselves with the answers supported by the whole company. Each person must be able authentically and unselfishly to support the company’s stated vision, or else the undermining effects of unrelenting attachment to a particular position will begin anew. Many companies choose to do this design work with just their employees, while others include representatives of the associate body and staff — the people who will, to a large degree, be responsible for making the vision a success.
Once the design work is completed, the next step may be a formal launching of the company’s new vision. Many companies schedule a luncheon or other event. Representatives of the owners and of various employee working groups present the vision/mission for the company, its purpose statement,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], intended culture, strategic objectives and action plans. It is best then to break into small group discussions led by employees and employees representatives.
But the crucial cause has been minimized or ignored. At the heart of the work people do are personal relationships — with the customers, with management, between others they work with, and relationships with the public at large. It is evident to a large degree that these relationships simply do not work for many. They do not provide people with a sense of joy and self-esteem. A lack of appreciation of the importance of relationships has denied people the opportunity to work together to produce mutually satisfying results.
2. Bad childhood messages
The listener plays the more vital role. When the speaker tells of an upset, the listener must recognize the validity of the experience. Whether or not the listener agrees with the speaker’s interpretation of past event, the listener must recognize that the speaker’s report of thoughts and feelings is true for him or her. Defensiveness, explanation, justification, argument and resistance by the listener would all inhibit communication and reinforce the evaluation that gave rise to the file in the first place. The listener’s only appropriate response is “Thank you” or “I’m sorry” or both.
6. The power of forgiveness
Next, the company gives flesh-and-bones substance to its vision by writing a formal statement of purpose. While corporate America has been writing purpose statements for years, many companies have been largely unaware of the power such statements could give them.
How do we as people move toward healthy relationships and work environments? The first step may be the hardest for people; they must become genuinely committed to caring for their customers, employees, associates and staff, as well as families and friends. True commitment to others is the only route to experiencing life’s riches and rewards.
A crisis is gripping the business community that is deeper and more far reaching than most people realize or even imagine. At the heart of the crisis is peoples ineffectiveness at managing their relationships. The root cause of these failed relationships is failed communication. None of us have ever been taught how to appropriately communicate with each other and thereby nurture our relationships with each other. What makes all of this particularly disastrous is that personal relationships are the foundation for accomplishment and satisfaction in life. Many people fail to appreciate the importance of maintaining their relationships. If people are to move toward healthy relationships in work environments, they must:
5. Leave the lonely path
Albert Einstein
As someone who practiced law for 18 years and who has advised dozens of companies in the last ten years through my management coaching company, I have seen firsthand the evidence of a profound unhappiness stemming from peoples poor relationship skills. But I have also witnessed troubled companies take the bold but practical steps toward both better relationships and better work by clearing the emotional air and beginning anew to build relationships founded on selfless caring rather than self-protective alienation.
Once communication is complete, all the participants need to apologize to one another where appropriate and forgive each other. An apology is not an expression of sorrow. Nor is it an admission of guilt. When used most powerfully, an apology is simply an acknowledgment of one’s impact on another and a statement of responsibility in the resulting upset. It is also an invitation for the other to forgive.
Fear is the primary culprit in the failure to acknowledge disappointment — fear of offending or appearing foolish, fear of admitting wrongdoing or inviting a confrontation. And when people do tell others they are upset by their behavior, they often deliver their feelings as a personal attack or an attempt to assign blame, fault or guilt. Of course, the responses tend to be combativeness, resentment and ill will.
One way to discover withheld communications is for each member of the company to complete a series of written statements regarding the other members. These statements might include the following:
While contention may produce some desired result, the result is bought at a tremendous cost in personal satisfaction. People can continue to choose to be implacably “right,” or they can choose to be happy: For the most part, the two are mutually exclusive.
If they are to reverse the tide of dissatisfaction and disillusionment that threatens to overwhelm all companies, people must invent a new way of treating each other, their staffs and customers. They must commit themselves to building sound, nurturing relationships based on fundamental respect for the dignity of human beings and supported by the real work of effective,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], responsible communication.
A crisis is gripping the business community that is deeper and more far-reaching than most people realize or even imagine. The crisis goes beyond financial or company-management problems, which seem to be getting a lot of attention these days. In reality, something is wrong in the very soul of our companies.
7. Creating a vision
Even when the importance of relationships and dignity are appreciated,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], significant barriers still stand. A primary barrier is that people operate legalistically with customers and others within the right/wrong, win/lose model. Unfortunately, people who live and work in a results-at-any-cost environment may be completely unaware how bad their relationships are. They focus their attention on negotiating the next deal and winning new customers. They are concerned about their survival and making money, but they are not interested in their relationships.
In a word, while it’s more the fault of the system than the individual, most people are lousy at managing their relationships.
The world we have made as a result of the level of thinking we have done thus far creates problems that we cannot solve at the same level we created them.
• What I have failed to acknowledge you for is …
How Companies Can Heal Their Wounded Personal Relationships
1. Missing the mark
And fear — fear is everywhere. Fear about meeting deadlines, about decisions to be made or unmet financial obligations.
SUMMARY
8. The renaissance we need
The final and never-ending step is follow-through. Every company has myriad issues to confront, including internal communications, business development, and staff and associate training. In keeping up the momentum of change, companies need to lay out objectives for the year and get to work developing projects and strategies.
People, staff and customers all open files and collect evidence to incriminate others. In their minds, they are exonerating themselves of any responsibility for the collapse of their relationships.
This mutually assured destruction of relationships occurs in various combinations: between employees, between associates, between people and staff, and between people and customers. Undelivered communications, rather than disappearing,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], escalate and kill countless relationships. Inevitably people will fight abut something, anything, and in such a frigid environment often the best an office can hope for is peaceful coexistence and polite, superficial conversation among virtual strangers.
In these circumstances,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], people operate on the illusion that ignoring or suppressing disappointments or upsetting feelings will make the episodes pass. This is particularly true of men, who are culturally trained to suppress their emotions. But silence does not make bad feelings go away; it makes them fester. It’s as if the aggrieved person were creating a “file” on the other person.
What is exciting is that these forward-moving activities are part of an expansive context: the vision of the company and its long-range strategic objectives. The job of leadership is to keep the fire of the vision burning brightly for everyone in the company to see as these strategies unfold and as the inevitable disruptions and setbacks occur.
The reorientation of a company’s values around healthy interpersonal relationships begins with “file cleaning,” in which all disappointments and frustrations are communicated and forgiven. This process clears the air and creates the foundation on which the company’s new vision for itself will be built.
Responses are then discussed publicly with the specific individuals following the ground rules for responsible speaking and listening.
People are caught up in a system of thinking and behavior that has become structurally, morally and emotionally exhausted. The steep price we pay for this worn-out model of behavior is the damage to their personal relationships with colleagues, staff,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], customers, and even with their families.
Author's Bio:
In the face of dramatic shifts in business today, experts of every stripe have exhorted companies to become more businesslike, more efficient and more conscious of their bottom lines. Total quality management (TQM) initiatives and systems, apparently so successful among manufacturers during the 1980s, are now common fare in many publications.
• What I am not saying to you is …
Companies may be able to improve their bottom lines by cutting costs and managing more effectively, but can anyone offer hope that such measures will notably improve the quality of life or work created in these environments?
• I am disappointed in you/our relationship in that …
Many possible explanations have been offered for the unhappiness among so many people at work. The complex, competitive and time-pressure characteristics of most work environments have been elaborately documented as possible causes.
4. The cycle of destruction
What makes all of this particularly disastrous is that personal relationships are the foundation for accomplishment and satisfaction in life. Little is accomplished alone, yet many people fail to appreciate the importance of maintaining their relationships.
The first employee, without ever discussing expectations and subsequent disappointments, forms an evaluation like “unresponsive” and files it on the second employee. As they interact more, the first employee notes other real or imagined episodes of this same “unresponsiveness.” The file grows.
As a result, many people do not appear to be very caring, compassionate or friendly. Arrogance and cynicism infect them, and they are disliked and very much isolated and alone in their own offices. Unconsciously, the contentiousness that can work so well in some spheres creeps into their behavior with associates, friends and family as they are driven to seek the upper hand.
Depending on the size of the company, this is best accomplished during a multi-day, off-site retreat, preferably with the help of an outside facilitator who can guide and mediate the process. Initially, in order to gain trust, the facilitator needs to interview all employees and any other key employees who will participate in the process. This outsider will begin to uncover the unresolved issues that retard the company’s productivity and gauge the company’s existing strengths and weaknesses.
We’ll survey the causes and consequences of these wounded relationships. Then we’ll take a look at a proven and practical “cure.”
Dr. Einstein’s quote at the beginning of this article implies, anything short of the complete re-creation of the profession will predictably produce the same unsatisfactory work climate that people now experience.
Other barriers to effective relationships are more subtle but may be even more pervasive and relentless. Generally, people approach their relationships with others as if they’re beginning with a “blank slate.” But this is simply not the case. All individuals have expectations about the nature, content and outcomes of their relationships. They don’t often discuss these expectations openly, and fulfilling them therefore becomes highly improbable. Disappointment and disillusionment follow, and once a disappointment has occurred and a person becomes upset, the same “mistake” is often repeated. Again, rather than discussing the unfulfilled expectations or thwarted intentions, no one says anything. Communication often seems to be the choice of last resort.
As adults, people use these styles of communication involuntarily and habitually, and they provide the world view that interprets all experiences and perceptions.
3,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Deadly assumptions
9. Try this at your company
A Los Angeles company provided a dramatic example of how a retreat can heal. Communication among employees had so deteriorated that many had learned to hate each other. Hostility was so tangible that work was suffering. Associates, sensing the tension and fearing the instability, were leaving at an alarming rate, and the employees couldn’t bear the thought of spending two days in a room together. But by the end of the second day of the retreat, the employees had communicated everything to each other,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], apologized and tearfully forgiven each other. On leaving the room, one of the employees who had previously considered executive retreats “touchy-feely nonsense” said, “This was a miracle. Had I not seen this with my own eyes,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I wouldn’t have believed this could occur.”
The purpose statement is a comprehensive description of the company’s fundamental philosophy, including the members approach to their work and the nature of their interactions with customers, coworkers and others. A clear statement provides a benchmark for all activity within the company, its role in the community it serves and the development of specific goals. It also provides guidelines for developing a system of compensation,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], advancement and acknowledgment that encourages contribution and support for the goals of the company. Finally, the purpose statement helps create an organizational structure that promotes teamwork, accountability and communication.
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